“Mr Unconvincingname, it’s renowned author Dan Brown,” told the voice at the other end of the line. “I want to talk to literary agent John Unconvincingname.” “Hello, this is renowned author Dan Brown,” spoke renowned author Dan Brown. He reached for the telephone using one of his two hands. I’ll call my agent, pondered the prosperous scribe. His new book Inferno was coming out on Tuesday, and the 480-page hardback published by Doubleday with a recommended US retail price of $29.95 was sure to be a hit. He knew he shouldn’t care what a few jealous critics thought. Renowned author Dan Brown got out of his luxurious four-poster bed in his expensive $10 million house and paced the bedroom, using the feet located at the ends of his two legs to propel him forwards. It made his insect eyes flash like a rocket. He particularly hated it when they said his imagery was nonsensical. For some reason they found something funny in sentences such as “His eyes went white, like a shark about to attack.” They even say my books are packed with banal and superfluous description, thought the 5ft 9in man. They said his prose was swamped in a sea of mixed metaphors. They said it was full of unnecessary tautology. The critics said his writing was clumsy, ungrammatical, repetitive and repetitive. They had mocked bestselling book The Da Vinci Code, successful novel Digital Fortress, popular tome Deception Point, money-spinning volume Angels & Demons and chart-topping work of narrative fiction The Lost Symbol. Ever since he had become one of the world’s top renowned authors they had made fun of him. Renowned author Dan Brown hated the critics. A new book meant an inevitable attack on the rich novelist by the wealthy wordsmith’s fiercest foes. After all, the famous writer had a new book coming out. Most people would have thought that the 48-year-old man had no reason to be angry. Renowned author Dan Brown woke up in his luxurious four-poster bed in his expensive $10 million house – and immediately he felt angry.
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